Why I stayed

I’ve been struggling with this question for what seems like a really long time now. I sometimes find myself still trying to figure that out. I have yet to come up with an answer that truly answers that question in a whole as to why I stayed. Its the nagging question that everyone wants to know followed by the judgmental “that could never be me” “I would never let that happen to me.” Why did I stay? Before any of this had happened to me the only interaction I had with domestic violence was the women I saw on TV. I knew it was wrong and it angered me to watch these women let themselves get treated like this, granted it was only a movie but the violence is very real to some. I also found myself saying how? why? that can’t be me, why doesn’t she just leave! Well let me just say that its easier said than done. I unfortunately found out it just doesn’t work that way for some. I believe that women are nurturers by nature and we definitely have more emotional attachment than men do. We want to fix things and we want to change things and we also see the good in a person once the potential has been shown. I didn’t necessarily want to fix him per say but I wanted him to be the man that he had shown me and had told me he would be. I had already seen the good in him, the person he showed me in the start. The person that I had told all my secretes to and had said you never have to be afraid and that’s never going to happen to you again. That was the security blanket that I had always wanted. I’m just going to tell you why I stayed.
As women we want security and we want to be taken care of and before you start saying “I can take care of myself, I don’t need a man” that’s a bunch of bullshit and you still have a lot of growing up to do so sit your ass down somewhere and by all means I’m not saying that women can’t do that because we certainly can. We can also be independent and make our own ways however all those things can only satisfy you for so long. Biological clocks start ticking and the thought of marriage starts to creep in our heads, we want something more. What I mean is okay let me ask you this, have you ever experienced something deep? In this case I’m going to say love, once you’ve experienced love you cant undo it we cant go back from that experience. We look for that euphoria or whatever it was that we experienced in the next person or in the same person because people change right. There’s nothing that compares to the security you get from a man or the warmth you get from a woman and no dildo or blow up doll is going to replace that. Well I wanted all those things, I was still young when I met him and i was very impressionable ..

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