Meeting him

I never thought that after everything that I had been through already in my wildest dreams ever think that I would be a victim of domestic violence. Call it God or call it the devil, whoever it was he wasn’t done with me yet.. When I was in my late teens I had a girlfriend who I identified with a lot. We had a lot in common and we both loved to go out. I guess you can say that I was becoming into myself trying to figure out life but also not going anywhere because I wasn’t doing anything productive with my time and I didn’t want to continue on with my education. At this point in my life I had tried to forget what had happened and just try to move because I was an adult now with the world right in front of me but somehow not knowing what to do with it. My girl and I would love to go out and party and drink and dance pretty much every single day to our favorite club, I had made friends with the bouncer so he would always let us in with a wrist band even though we weren’t 21 and we would just have a good time. I wasn’t really looking to meet anyone because I loved being single but I wasn’t opposed to it either. I still remember that night I met him like it was yesterday, I was standing at the front bar so I could see who was coming in and out. I saw him walk in, now let me just say that we weren’t at some lounge having champagne and toasting to life.. no we were at one of the ghetto clubs on dirty six lol. So he walks in and he’s very confident my eyes immediately lock on him, I really cant explain why but I was just attracted to him. He was flashy and very sure of himself, maybe that’s what attracted me to him.. So he hands me this card with his number on it and I cant lie I was pretty excited about it.. not knowing that in my hands I held my future kids father and also my abusers phone number. It’s so weird and surreal thinking about it that way now because I was the one that called him and I didn’t have that pit feeling in my stomach that something was wrong with him. We got to know each other fairly quickly and I was very smitten by him and with the way he walked, talked and how he was with me. I didn’t even stop to think about what he did or even ask that much about him, at the time all he had told me was that he was from Chicago and that he came to Texas trying to escape that bad part of the city. I didn’t have any reason to think that he was lying to me. He was always just trying to get to know me, asked everything about me and I just honestly thought that he was trying to genuinely get to know me. I never really had anyone listen to me and talk to me the way he did… Maybe part of me yearned for that, to have someone really listen to me and me being open with them, I was so used to being closed off to everyone.. I would only let people know what I wanted them to know and that wasn’t very much.. however there was something about him that made me want to tell him everything.. little did I know that all of that would backfire on me and he would use all this information against me..
My first red flag should have been when we had known each other for about 3 or four months and he casually asked me one day for 500$, of course at first I was like why? He just simply replied that he needed to pay for his car and that he would pay me back at the end of the month.. Well needles to say I didn’t really think twice about it and I gave him the money… I know I know, it was really stupid of me.. How? Why? Well I cant really answer that question with a specific answer besides that he was a smooth talker and had me convinced that there wasn’t anything fishy about it.. Those were the small things that he would do in the beginning.. Also having girls call him all the time but somehow I convinced myself that nothing was going on.. I wanted to be with him and he assured me that nothing was going on.. The smooth talk is one of the biggest key factors as to why women stay..
I got pregnant when I had only known him about 5 or six months and he convinced me to move in with him.. Honestly I didn’t want to have the baby I wanted to have an abortion.. I thought that he would agree with me so when I told him the idea he went off! He was mad about the whole idea and saying how could you even think about it and blah blah blah.. He stormed off and didn’t come home for the rest of the night.. He left me alone with my thoughts and somehow it made me think that this might be a good thing and that maybe he really wanted this.. somehow it made me feel loved.. strange I know… So it was decided that this baby was going to be born.. as the months went by I guess I got used to the idea.. and he never even yelled at me when we would get into arguments he would simply walk away.. Around the time when I was about 5 or six months along he convinced me to move to Chicago with him.. just pack up and leave.. I didn’t know why until he told me what he actually did and was doing with our rent money.. He was selling drugs and not paying the rent.. Strangely this was not enough for me to walk away.. He always had this way of making me feel like everything was going to be alright and that he would always make sure that I was good.. I became this little puppy that was doing what she was told to do without even realizing it.. and since he had told me about the hard time he had growing up I wanted to make him happy.. and I didn’t want to add to that.. So we move to Chicago and low and behold everything starts to go down hill from there.. I found out about other kids he had that he didn’t take care of.. I mean lots of kids and one had just been born, of course he denied it.. It was like I was in vortex but I was in too deep.. We were staying with his mom and it was winter time and I became increasingly miserable and I started to voice my opinion about how much I missed my home and parents and that I wasn’t happy.. He increasingly got frustrated with me and like I said he had never even yelled at me let alone put his hands on me… until I was eight months pregnant that’s when I got my first taste of this new reality that I had already signed up for but didn’t know it.. the abuse began.. all because I wanted to go home…….

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